BY Rabbi Daniel Mehlman

People love to talk about religion especially when they find out I am a Rabbi. Invariably at a party or social gathering, someone will pose a question. The most common issue has to do with morality and ethics on one hand, and ritual observance on the other.

Which is better? A person who is religiously observant but morally relaxed, or a person whose morals and ethics are beyond question, but is not observant – one who does not believe in organized religion.

My answer is obvious. Neither is better. Both are incomplete, both suffer from deficiencies of a serious magnitude.

Many want to say that morality and ethics are more important than ritual. I say unequivocally that ritual is vital in our lives.

You may ask, what is ritual? It is an outer manifestation of our inward feelings. We must express our thought and feelings. If I love someone deeply, but fail to express that love in concrete terms, the object of my affection will feel unloved.

Judaism says, we do not live in thoughts only, but in deeds, i.e. Passover Seder rituals make me aware of the struggle of our ancestors.

To change attitude, we need to change our actions. In education we know good study habits make good students.

Our deeds transmit their values. Mitzvahs have the power to hallow our lives, and make them meaningful and fulfilling.

It’s easy to say I believe and I love, but to say it does not suggest we mean it. When we show love, when we live our faith, then we prove to ourselves how we really feel.

Ethics or ritual? Both are important. Ritual in Judaism brings meaning and fulfillment to our lives.

I was thinking about our Judaic way of life and what do we need and what ingredient should we add to our lives to bring true meaning to our existence.

My answer reflects a statement by Rabbi Nachman Me’Bartizlav, “Anyone who can’t be alone with him/herself, has to be very poor company for others.” Let me explain. Can you imagine if someone called my house and asked to speak to the Rabbi and Mimi answered that he is talking to someone. They would understand and call back. Can you imagine the reaction if Mimi replied, “I’m sorry the Rabbi can’t come to the phone, he’s talking to himself.” I’m sure the caller would hang up very quickly.

My friends, how much we need to listen to others, Rabbi Nachman is right, we need to hear and listen to our inner selves. We need time for ourselves – if we are so absorbed in everything around us and do not set aside time nor a moment for ourselves to think, feel and pray, then we are not fulfilling our essence.

It is true that our Synagogue serves as our community. A place for public prayer, but more so, a place that personifies the word for prayer which is Hitpallel which means to reflect on our selves and to judge ourselves. You see my friends, we need time for ourselves, a sort of “time out”. We need to reflect sitting quietly and being in touch with our inner soul.

Kaballah refers to this as Hidbodadut which is an art of being alone permitting our souls to catch up with us, restoring ourselves and thereby releasing the tensions of our lives.